


Depression

by thegreenfairy246



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 21:50:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11998641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreenfairy246/pseuds/thegreenfairy246
Summary: Hi y'all! If you like my work, you can follow me on Tumblr@strawberrybucky





	Depression

You were on the floor of the tub again. It was as good a place to cry as any, and right now you were desperate. After a whole day of hiding the way you really felt, you needed a few minutes to just be yourself. You had a council meeting in twenty minutes, and you really needed to get ready. But, you couldn’t get yourself to stop crying. Now that you had really started, it didn’t seem you would ever stop. You just weren’t good enough to be a Jedi. One of these days you would get yourself killed. Or worse, you would get Anakin killed, or Obi-Wan. The gashes you had cut up and down your legs didn’t help either. Every time you tried to kick or jump in a fight, they broke open. Your bag was always filled with extra bacta just in case. The fact that you weren’t skinny enough or pretty enough, and Obi-Wan would never want you, also did nothing to help the ache in your chest either. Shit...had you really just admitted that to yourself? Force, how would you be able to sit through a two hour council meeting now. As you had the thought, Anakin knocked on your door.

“Y/N? You almost ready?”

You took a deep breath and stepped out of the tub. Wrapping a towel around yourself, you walked down to answer the door. “Hey, yeah. Just a few more minutes. Come on in if you want. We can walk down there together.”

He took notice of how red your eyes were, but he said nothing. You walked back upstairs and tried to think about anything other than Obi-Wan and the constant pain in your chest. You put on comfortable leggings and a large tunic and came back downstairs.

“Heya. I think I’m ready. Wanna go ahead and go?”

The way Anakin was looking at you made you realize you had forgotten to touch your hair. Well who cares anyway. They wanted you to be a Jedi, not a fashion model. Neither of which you could manage anymore.

“Yeah Y/N. Let’s go listen to some stuffy old council members for two hours, what a good time. Sometimes I wonder if I could just leave the council. The meetings to reprimand me were torture enough.”

You laughed at him. You were smart enough to realize that was his goal. Besides, Anakin had always been pretty funny. “Oh Anakin I know you hate the meetings. But, think of how much respect they must have for you to put you on it in the first place. I tell you what, how about we make funny faces at each other until one of us gets caught? Sound fun?”

“Yes.” he said laughing at your plan. You weren’t really sure you were up for it, but maybe it would take your mind off things. The bond between you and Obi-Wan was strong though neither of you had ever been the others’ Padawan. He would surely sense something wrong with you if you didn’t aim to hide it a little better. He’d been your best friend since both your Padawan days. The two of you finally reached the council meeting, and exchanged some funny faces to get your game started before you walked inside. You sat in your seat after giving Obi-Wan a short hello. He looked at you puzzled, but you ignored it. You didn’t miss the hurt flashing across his features. About halfway into the council meeting, you and Anakin got caught. 

“Master Y/L/N. Is there a reason you are making such ludicrous faces?” Master Windu asked you.

“No Master. I’m sorry Master.” you replied. It didn’t really bother you. You were just glad Anakin hadn’t gotten caught. He deserved a break. You shot him a quick smile, and began to intently study the floor pattern. You figured you could do that for an hour without sobbing. You could feel Obi-Wan trying to check on you through the Force, so you focused on your shields remaining up. Finally, the meeting ended. You said nothing to anybody and made a beeline to the door. You practically started sprinting down the hall to your room. Once you got there, you sat on the couch and cried. It was becoming harder and harder to even leave your bed without crying. What kind of Jedi can’t even leave her room? You walked towards your bathroom and shed your clothes. From the tub, you used the Force to summon the razor blade you liked to use. With a few more shaky breaths, you pressed the metal against your skin until it tore through. The pain blossomed, and with it a sense of relief. This you could do. Cut. No one was better than you at this. Cut. You could never fail. Cut. What you didn’t expect, however, was a frantic Obi-Wan to appear in your doorway.

He broke into tears when he saw you. It broke your heart. “Oh...Y/N/N...what have you done?”

“I’m fine Obi please leave. Please. I just need to be by myself.” you begged him. Oh force please let him listen.

“No. I’m not leaving you alone again.” Obi-Wan said. “After the meeting this morning, Anakin told me...he told me about how you were acting this morning. You might have had your shields up during the meeting, but this morning you didn’t. He heard it all Y/N. I’m so sorry I’ve let you suffer like this.” He started putting bacta on your wounds. “You’re a wonderful Jedi. Better than me usually. And just because you think don’t do as well as someone else doesn’t mean you’ve failed. And Y/N I shouldn’t say this, but now that I know you feel the same way I can’t hardly help it. I do love you. And I don’t care about any other girl. I love you just the way you are. Perfect. I just hope you believe me. I know you won’t be able to stop over night.” he gestured to your wounds. “But I hope I can help you. I hope you’ll let me help you.” 

You both were crying by this point. “Yeah Obi-Wan you can help me. I love you too.” you smiled at him. You were a bit broken, but Obi-Wan didn’t mind it. He wanted to be closer to you even.

“Come on. Go get on some dry clothes.” He helped you out of the tub and graciously ignored the fact you had on no pants. You went to your room and changed. When you came out, you found Obi-Wan on the couch.

“Ya know,” you began, “now that we’ve confessed our undying love, you can come into my room.” 

He laughed at you, and began to walk over. Once he reached you, he wrapped his arms around you and nuzzled into your neck. You stayed like that for a while until he pulled back. “Could I...would you mind if…?” he trailed off.

“Yes you can kiss me.” He blushed and leaned forward. Your lips met, and you truly knew he was the one for you.

He broke away for air. “You wanna go to sleep? I should probably get back anyway.”

“Actually I was wondering if you would stay with me? You don’t have to if you do-”

He cut you off with a kiss. “I’d love to stay.”

You took his hand and walked towards your room knowing you would sleep well tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi y'all! If you like my work, you can follow me on Tumblr @strawberrybucky


End file.
